I feel like I’m a bit confusing when talking about boys, me and ginger broke up a long time ago, he broke up with me because I was going to move. So that’s what Happened with him, also I am single!! Now for the update.
It’s been a while since I last updated you all on things.
Hi, I’ve decided I need to give up people and stop trying to make them happy, I need to be selfish for a while and make myself happy.
Me and the brown eyed boy have not spoke, so I can’t wait for him anymore, he doesn’t want me enough and he never will, I know that, I think I always have.
Me and Jp have to be done also, he is too old and we are never going to work out, I do care and love him but I think that he might have just been a distraction.
I am moving on and cutting them off I think or at least I am going to try really hard.
I reconnected with a boy I used to go to school with recently. He is 17, a reasonable age since I turn 15 in a month. He is nice, funny, and very handsome; it might not be this romantic amazing love like it would’ve been with the brown eyed boy but, I think he can make me happy and I think I can make him happy too.
I think that me and the brown eyed boy will always have this romantic story about our almost “love” or maybe that’s just how I see it.
Maybe one day in the far future we will see each other again and all the memories will come rushing back and we can smile and laugh like the old times and maybe, just maybe our spark will still be there, I will always deeply love him but I know now that I can’t wait for him any longer and I can’t keep Comparing everyone to him, I can’t keep wishing every boy was him.
I know deep down inside me I will always and forever keep on wishing we will see each other and fall in love all over again.
I will always be there for him, I will continue to be his best friend but that’s all I can be for now. I have to accept that.
My depression is still here hiding inside me, coming out every once in a while. (Next paragraph may trigger you.)
I am 2 days clean from cutting. I cut on my thighs so my mother and sister don’t find out.
One day while I was cutting, it didn’t hurt at all, not even a little sting, I was completely numb and that was the first time that has ever happened to me, I was scared, for the first time ever it scared me.
This morning I wanted to go cut but, I had to tell myself “no, I can’t keep doing this, I want to get better.” I really do, it’s obviously not that easy though.
I am seeing my best Friend in 61 days, FT you are my number one, I love you so much and I can not wait to meet you after all this time. You are my everything.
Me and FT have a deep love I think and no not romantic but an amazing deep and very real friendship.
This is a very long post because I had so much to write about, I won’t ever leave you beautiful Ravens, I will always come back and write.
Remember to always fly high and stay so so beautiful.